Yearly Archives: 2015

Loving Those We Dislike

[Originally published in The Fort Bend Herald]

One of the most difficult concepts of Christianity involves a series of commands that relegate us to love pretty much everyone, everywhere and in every situation. While the sentiment of that seems truly noble and altruistic, many find themselves in a very difficult crisis of faith for the simple fact that there are some people we honestly find very hard to like. “Liking” involves commonality in thought or position. It involves someone we consider compatible and worthy. It involves reciprocity. Indeed, all of us have those around us of whom these traits simply do not exist. We simply do not “like” everyone. How, then, are we to love them?

The first order is to confirm the need for such indiscriminating love in the scriptures. Indeed, Jesus tells us to love our neighbor (Mt 22:39). The apostles teach us to love one another in the church (Rom 12:10) and our spouses (Eph 5:25). These emanations of love seem easy enough to fulfill; or at least a realistic goal to shoot at- until we realize that even these two commands come with caveats: Jesus said to love our neighbors as ourselves, and Paul instructed husbands to love their wives as their own bodies.

But wait: it gets worse, for Jesus further said that we should love even our enemies! (Mat 5:43-44) This instruction, he follows with, “For if you love those who love you… do not even the tax collectors do the same?” (v. 46)

Now the sentiment is getting downright troublesome. Let’s face it, it’s hard at times to love even those people we share Thanksgiving Dinner with – let alone those who have earned the moniker of “enemy.” For all practical purposes, the very definition of “an enemy” is someone that in the very least we do not like at all. How, then, are we to love those we (sometimes for good reason) simply do not like?

The bad news is this is not an easy pursuit, even when properly understood. The good news is most of us have completely misunderstood this set of commands because of language issues.

“Love,” in English is an extremely flexible term. We love our spouses and we love our dog. (Surely those two do not mean the same thing.) We love certain forms of art. We love chicken fried steak and we love our children. Each of these things gets coined as “that which we love” but with significantly distinct meanings and inferences that actually separate this idea of “love” into numerous categorically different things altogether.

In the New Testament there are two different Greek terms translated into English as “love.” One term is the term most similar to that “love” we claim for our families and friends. The other is a sense of the idea of “love” that frankly, we do not use very often in conversational English. (There is no Greek equivalent to our love for chicken fried steak to my knowledge… that must be an English thing.)

The lesser used term for “love” in the NT (about 20 times) is phileo (phil-eh’-oh); often referred to as “brotherly love.” Such is the namesake for the city of Philadelphia and various other English terms with the “phile” suffix. This term is best understood as “relational” love. It is that “I love you because you and I have a personal connection.” This term best fits with our love of family and friends, because it is reciprocal: the love we have for those we “like.” Most of us are thinking of THIS type of love when we hear the command to “love your enemies.” But, relax – that is not the command we have been given.

The second and far more common “love” in the NT (over 250 times) is agape (ah-gah’-pay) (n) or agapao (ah-ga-pah’-o) (v). This is (potentially) unreciprocated love. It is a love that is chosen, deliberate and service oriented; but not necessarily relational. To love in this manner is tantamount to Jesus’ golden rule: to treat others as we wish to be treated. This is the love we are administering when we give money to help feed or clothe total strangers. It is the love we are sharing when we stop to help a stranger on the side of the road. These are not reciprocal actions: I’m not helping because I realized that was a friend of mine I just passed on the highway. These are chosen, deliberate acts of service to others out of reverence for their creator and recognition of their need.

While both types of love are commanded in scripture in various scenarios, we are ten times more often commanded to agapao those around us: love through service and with potentially nothing gained in return. THIS is the love we are commanded to give our enemies. We are to value them as human beings and provide them with dignity and service when able. We should help them when in need. We should speak kindly and act compassionately even if they are our political enemies or are on the “other side” of the culture war. It is this love that God demonstrated toward us in that he loved us while we were his enemies (Rom 5:8). In the same manner, we are to love our enemies; even if we don’t happen to like them.

The Right Decision

[Originally published in The Fort Bend Herald]

Perhaps the most common question a pastor is asked counsel on is simply, “what should I do?” Many decisions that life throws at us are difficult. Options have widely varying potential outcomes. How can one know what the results of a decision will be?

While this is a complex issue this article has not enough space to answer fully, I’d like to focus on the very first question that should always be asked when making a difficult decision. Many times, this one question is all that need be asked; as it will render null and void all further potential circumstances.

That question is simply, “is this really my decision?” What is meant by the question is, “do I already have instructions on what I should choose (that perhaps I’m actually trying to avoid)?”

Christians overwhelmingly claim to have a biblical worldview and follow a biblical model of faith, practice and morality. Yet, I’m surprised how often I’m asked about a decision that has already been made for those of us who claim such a position. My experience is that people sometimes seek counsel because they are looking for “permission” of sorts, that they may in fact make the wrong choice with the blessing of someone else. However, if I have a clear scriptural teaching on a subject, the answer to question one, for me, is “no.”

We who claim allegiance to Christ accept his terms that “if you love me you will keep my commands.” In short, we have the overwhelming volume of God’s Word which already answers so many of life’s decisions very plainly.

“Should I misrepresent my marital status on my tax forms to save money?” “Should I lie to someone when asked a question, which when answered, might make them upset?” These are not my decisions. They have already been made for me as one who bears Christ’s name and trusts his previously-given instructions.

In short, if there is a clear, biblical, “right” or “wrong” to follow, my decision should be already made. I should to what is right. No further consideration is needed.

While most believers agree in principle with this sentiment, they tend to begin to weigh outcomes rather than to act in faith when doing the right thing might cause some personal harm or inconvenience. “What if doing the right thing gets me fired?” “What if the right thing costs me a relationship?” The truth is, we are temporal beings with no vision of the future. We simply cannot know with any degree of certainty what the outcome of any decision will be. We might do what we think will cause the best outcome only to be surprised that it did not turn out as expected. Believers are not given the burden of such considerations when a clear biblical right and wrong are at stake. We are called to choose what is right and let God sort out his own results.

Such is the nature of the lives of those who we consider heroes of our faith. In Acts 7, Stephen died for doing the right thing; as did Christ himself in the gospel accounts. And, in both cases, even though the right action brought about an undesirable temporal consequence, I never hear anyone preach a sermon on “how Jesus may not have died” or “Stephen’s big mistake.” It is clear to us that it was God’s plan for these events – both the results of a right action – to bring further glory to himself; even though quite undesirable at the time.

Paul noted in Philippians 3:8 (ESV),
⁸ Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ.

This same Paul died at the hands of Nero for his unyielding faith. We consider him a foundational example of what it means to serve Christ to the fullest. Why should we necessarily expect a story book ending to our own cause of serving Christ? On the other hand, after being imprisoned for his faith, Peter was miraculously freed (Acts 12). One simply cannot know what God has in store for a faithful decision. But that result is His alone. That, frankly, is what it means to have faith in God: not that He will do what we want – but that He will do as He wants.

Obviously, not every decision in life involves simple “right or wrong” as potential choices. But sometimes it truly is that straightforward. If scripture teaches a clear right and wrong in a given context, then for me, question one should be considered as “answered.” This is not my decision. It has already been made by He who I claim to trust and follow – to whatever end may come.