Just for Fun
You’d think I would be desensitized by now. But, truth be told, I get more irritated each time it happens. Before their morning coffee has opened passages to their hypothalamus, someone forwards me an utterly asinine email from their Aunt Myrtle which aptly demonstrates the theological aspirations of Joe Q. Christian. I’m sure it seemed relevant at the time.
The sentiment of Aunt Myrtle’s pining will be less than challenging to anyone who knows any actual scripture (beyond what is printed on their clothing or bumper stickers.) It will normally be the stuff that Touched By An Angel episodes are made of; such as the heart-warming story of the child who gave a homeless man his happy-fries outside of the local McDonalds. Continue reading
Many of you may have noticed that ReturningKing.com has been quiet the past few weeks. This is due to my having been involved in our annual youth camp (www.onecamp.org) and now my participation in our family vacation.
We will resume our regular posts very soon! But, I thought I would leave you this week with an email I received from a church member and dear friend. It is funny, yet strangely accurate – which, of course is true of all good humor.
Here is “How Many Christiand Does it Take to Change a Lightbulb.” (although there are come decidedly non-christian groups noted, I will leave the title as it was given to me)
The email I received was not credited. If you know who is responsible for this bit of wit, by all means let me know and I’ll properly give due.
How Many Christians Does it Take to Change a Lightbulb?
- Charismatic: Only 1
Hands are already in the air.
- Pentecostal: 10
One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness
- Presbyterians: None
Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
- Roman Catholic: None
- Baptists: At least 15
One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.
- Episcopalians: 3
One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.
- Mormons: 5
One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.
- Unitarians: [[And, most Emergents of any persuasion]]
We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
- Methodists: Undetermined
Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.
- Nazarene: 6
One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
- Lutherans: None
Lutherans don’t believe in changing things.
The Taxpayer’s Bailout Plan
My father taught me at a young age that people do not appreciate what they do not have to pay for. I have had forty years of consistent confirmation of the truth of this principle. Give someone free housing and it will be destroyed inside of two years. Give a sixteen year old a new Corvette, requiring no personal investment of their own, and they’ll be driving it like a rental by the end of the first day. Give a man a fish… you get the point. Continue reading